I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize