Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
Randomize
