Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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