i was rollin on her like bob the builder
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Randomize
