i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Randomize
