it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Randomize
