Joe is yelling at the trees again.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
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