I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
