my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
I think I just sharted jello shots
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