i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
i just made my gag reflex go away.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Randomize