Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
You may now shotgun with the bride
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
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