I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Someone signed my nipple.
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