Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Randomize
