Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Holy sore nipples Batman
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
