i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
