not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
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