dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
