apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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