My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
Randomize
