i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Randomize
