I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
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