He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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