My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
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