Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
you made out with another girl for some wings
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