My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
Sober January is a disaster.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Randomize
