So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
