matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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