Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
