i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
