Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
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