I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
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