I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
