There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
