I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize