you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize