So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize
