i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
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