You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Randomize
