I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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