"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Randomize
