dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
