i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Randomize