My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Randomize
