last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
Randomize
