The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
