I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
We were destined to go to rehab together
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
