You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
