my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize