My sheets look like a crime scene.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Randomize
