Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
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