you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
