This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
