Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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