i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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