i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize
