it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
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