2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
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