Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Randomize
