btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
