Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
When are your genitals available?
Randomize