wrigley field is MILF paradise
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Randomize
