My ? Is...... Would it be sweet or creepy to take a girl on a first date to chigago?
creepy.
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize
