i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
