Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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