remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Randomize
