was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
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