shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Randomize
