he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize
