my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Randomize
