i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
How drunk are you?
Completed.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
