Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
I showed him my bush... on skype.
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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