I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Randomize
