OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
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