And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Randomize
