STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
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