My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
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