I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
zippers are such a cool invention
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
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