hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
