dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
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