..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
dude. I can hear the air.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
