Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
