So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
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