I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize