dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
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