Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
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