i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
