opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
