If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
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