Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Randomize
