Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Randomize
