i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
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