Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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