I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Randomize
