Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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