Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
