Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize