my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
