Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Randomize
