If i come over, it means nothing
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
I didn't notice because vodka
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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