How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
The air taste purple.
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