he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
