I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize