I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
