i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
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