I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Randomize
