Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize